How good things possible with me being bad

I know, I know. I’ve been bad lately. 

I wanted this and that. I ignored texts from people I don’t really care about. I forgot to say hello to people I don’t really see often until I need their help. I cancelled plans. I broke promises. I even forgot to say thanks to some people that helped me out. I often left my prayers until I get back home and regret it so much I left it over and over again. I spent money impulsively on unimportant and silly things from the internet. I’ve a lot of pending works and I just can’t multitask. I procastinated on priorities. I talked behind people’s back. I bluffed. I only socialized with clients I wanted to take advantage of. I didn’t accept the rules. I avoid the roads of truth and what my religion used to tell me. I said things differently than it should be. I concentrated on little things that I should’ve been delegate. I’ve been boozing almost 4 times every week. I realized that I turned into someone I loathe. And I lied, a lot.

I’m starting to think, am I not being myself? or is this the real me? 

How can I find the good things in life without being a good human? Is God still want to hear me? How can I start all over again? How do I find someone to take me back to right way? 

How do things even possible the way I want it to?

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